Aggression In Children: My Child Suddenly Becomes Aggressive
Aggression in children is behavior that responds to negative emotions. All children will feel these types of emotions at some point, and as you learn to manage them, you will be able to control the appearance of bad behaviors.
Of course, aggressive behavior is not the same in a small child of 3 to 5 years, who still does not recognize his emotions; a child older than 7 or 9 years old, who should already be in the process of self-control; or violent behavior in an adolescent.
We can say that a behavior is aggressive when it generates damage to oneself, to others, or to the environment. If we believe that our son has become aggressive, it is important to analyze what factors could influence his behavior. This will make it easier to help you achieve self-control.
What are the causes of aggressiveness in children?
- Frustration, anger and fear are the main causes of aggressive behavior. Not knowing how to control them, they respond aggressively.
- When parents agree to the whims of the child by having this type of behavior.
- Aggression in children can also be used to attract the attention of adults or other children.
- Younger children imitate aggressive behaviors that they observe in their closest figures, such as parents.
- The child analyzes certain aggressive responses and checks what results he has.
- Aggression in children can also be a response to personal discomfort. If the problem is treated, the child will surely eradicate the behavior.
How do I help my child control aggressive behavior?
Teaching children to manage negative emotions depends on our own capacities for self-control that we have as adults. Being congruent between what we say and what we do is not easy, but it is essential to instill this learning in children.
Self-regulation of angry or violent responses will depend on personal growth and self-knowledge. In this sense, we want to propose these strategies to get your child to move towards controlling aggression.
Recognize emotions and offer options to control aggression in children
It is up to parents to teach children to recognize negative emotions, such as anger or frustration, and channel them into positive behaviors. When your child responds in a violent way, it is important to teach him another way to solve his problems or differences.
You can say to your child: “I understand that you are angry, but instead of fighting or yelling, you can do …”. It is a way of recognizing the emotion and directing it towards positive behavior.
Establish clear and precise rules
Avoid confusing your child with too many rules. The child needs to know that aggressive behaviors have consequences, that before exploding it is important to try to calm down. The aggression is not justified, no matter how annoying it is and if it acts violently you must make it clear that it will be sanctioned.
To control aggressiveness in children, respond calmly
When aggressive behavior is responded to with aggressiveness, it is most likely that the behavior will not stop, but will feed the anger and frustration of children. By acting calmly, you can more easily appease your child’s anger. If the child screams, it is best to speak in a soft tone.
Avoid giving examples of aggressiveness
If problems or arguments are resolved at home with yelling or hitting, that will be the example that the children will receive. Children learn from what they see and the first thing they see is inside the home.
Find out what’s wrong
Aggression in children can be an expression that something is upsetting or signs of childhood stress. Ask your child why he reacted that way and explain why it is not okay for him to respond violently.
To the extent that you show interest in what is happening to him, he will be able to pinpoint what is so upsetting him. By opening up to you they will find the solution to the problem that worries them.
Prevent tantrums from becoming normal behaviors
If in the face of a tantrum instead of being firm we give in to the child’s wishes, this can become a successful formula to get what he wants. In the event that your child violently demands your attention, remind him that only if he calms down can you understand what he wants.
If the child screams and throws things or has become angry because you are not playing with him, it is important not to attend to his complaint by immediately doing what he asks of you. First, it is convenient to explain to him the reasons why you cannot play at that moment and we can also tell him that, if he calms down, as soon as you have time you will play together.
Do relaxation exercises together
It is important to teach your children to relax. It is appropriate to take time to reflect, to acknowledge and express the emotion before resorting to a violent response. You can practice relaxation techniques such as counting to ten and doing breathing exercises with your child.
Avoid laughing if you want to control aggressiveness in children
We may be amused by the child’s first aggressive behaviors, but even if it makes you laugh, avoid laughing. Laughter can give you the wrong message that violent behavior is right.
Repair the damage and ask for forgiveness
When the child responds aggressively (breaks toys, yells, hits, bites), it is important that he apologizes for what he did; be it to another child or their parents. As much as possible, it may also be key that you try to repair the damage you have caused. The child surely feels bad about what happened and asking for forgiveness will help him feel better.
Even if they are aggressive, it is important not to reject them
An angry, frustrated, or scared child may respond aggressively, toward his parents, or toward other children. If you sit down to talk and find out what is bothering him, you will surely find the best way to eradicate aggressive behavior.
Never deny the love you feel for your child for having this behavior. It is important to make it clear that you reject this behavior, but in no case should the rejection be directed towards the child.
