Zero Contact: The Balm Of Emotional Dependence
Although it may cost us and we may experience relapses, zero contact with the person who is the object of our dependence will be beneficial to get over it and start putting ourselves first.
Emotional dependence causes us to tie ourselves to a partner for fear of being alone or not finding anyone else. Therefore, starting the zero contact in these circumstances is more than recommended.
Sometimes this type of emotional dependence causes us to choose partners who can hurt us. For this reason, there may be cases of psychological or physical abuse, manipulations, lies, infidelities … However, that may not be the case.
What does have to be clear is that any relationship that is based on an emotional dependence on the other is toxic. On the other hand, in a healthy relationship, the normal thing is that the two people love each other and share, but also that each person has their personal space.
Emotional dependency or “I can’t live without you”
The fear of being alone can make us believe that we cannot live without the other person. However, in reality, this is not the case. If the other person leaves us, leaves and abandons us, there is no possibility of going back to them. Then what do we do? We enter a new relationship immediately, which is known as “liana relationships.”
People who are afraid of being alone and who depend on others do so because they believe that only then can they be happy. Their self-esteem is so low that their life and personality are that of the person they are attached to. Therefore, when a break occurs, they feel empty. They have not taken care of themselves, they do not know what they like or what their dreams are. They are lost.
The reason they become so attached to someone is not because they consider that “it is for life” or that without that person they “cannot live.” They can’t live without any! Therefore, it is normal that they accumulate some relationships after others. They all fail, but they don’t know why (or don’t want to know).
The reason is that they choose their partner based on a need, not because they really feel love.
The importance of zero contact in an emotional dependent
When a psychologist recommends that a person implement zero contact with the person on whom they depend, this seems impossible at first.
Thinking about blocking her on WhatsApp or other social networks, not answering her calls, or saying “no” if you contact her to make a date seems like something she can never make a reality. Sometimes you feel very guilty, falling into your own trap, and then you feel bad.
The kind of dependent relationship she has doesn’t make her happy and she knows it. In fact, a person with dependency has moments of clarity in which he says “I have to go”, “I would be better off alone than with this person”, “it does not make me feel good”.
However, this force that can invade her at certain times and is clearly pointing the way to her breaks down in other circumstances to lead her down the wrong path.
Patience, willpower and time
Getting out of the pit of fear and emotional dependence – even by practicing zero contact – is not something that happens overnight. It takes time, determination, and, of course, continued effort.
As with any other addiction, it takes time and patience. In addition, it must be clear that relapses are possible. But instead of being afraid of them, we must take them as opportunities to grow and strengthen ourselves.
All emotional dependents stumble over and over again on the same stone until those moments of lucidity become more and more solid. Nobody is born learned. Eventually, after fighting their own demons, they manage to open their eyes fully and make a decision that will undoubtedly benefit them.
Zero contact may seem like it has broken down with each relapse, but if we try to do better from then on, we will have moved on, and that is important.
The experiences will help us to be more aware and each time we will realize that we will not be really well if we continue to look back and stay in that false comfort zone.
Little by little we can come out of the pit of emotional dependence. We can shake off the false beliefs that tell us that without a partner we are “unhappy” or “failures” and start a new path of life. One that does benefit us and help us grow and live in harmony.
Once we step outside of liana relationships, we can begin to love, love and respect each other as we deserve and need. This in turn will help us establish healthy relationships in which we do not depend on or need others.
