Why Do We Have To Avoid Comparing Some Children With Others?

Comparing some children with others is a very common practice that parents do when they want to correct their children. However, it is a mistake that results in serious self-esteem problems in the little ones.

By comparing your children’s abilities with their siblings, friends or neighbors, you are indirectly demanding that they should be like everyone else. This generates in children a high degree of helplessness and insecurity when they cannot adjust to the expectations of their parents.

There are two types of comparisons, those that are made between the child and his siblings or those that are established between the child and his peers. In the first, one can run the risk of promoting resentment and jealousy between siblings, without realizing the damage that is created in the fraternal relationship, as this article published in the  electronic journal of information for parents of the Spanish Association of Primary Care Pediatrics .

In the second, rivalry is negatively encouraged in the child and his friends. Additionally, you can make the mistake of underestimating the qualities and virtues that the child possesses. This results in the little one internalizing it and starting to have negative behaviors.

Each one is as it is. All children have their abilities and their shortcomings. The mistake is trying to assimilate one way of being or behaving with another. We are talking about totally different people.

Thus, behind each one there is a story of learning, experiences, interests, temperament. Perhaps what we want for one child we will criticize for another.

Comparing some children with others is not ideal

At a specific time, comparisons can serve as motivational tools to achieve certain achievements. But we must pay special attention to the way we do them, since the space between the negative and the positive is very small and children can become extreme perfectionists.

For this reason, it is important to remain vigilant so as not to make unconscious use of comparisons. To avoid comparing some children with others, try to teach your child to identify the positive aspects of the other that serve as motivation and inspiration to achieve their goals.

It is also  essential to highlight the positive qualities that your little ones have and reinforce them, as evidenced by this study published in Dedica. Journal of education and humanities . It must be clear that each child is unique and has their own personality, which they develop during their training and growth.

On the other hand, parents must take into consideration that each child develops his abilities at his own pace. The active participation of parents at this stage is essential to nurture the skills and reinforce the positive behavior that the child possesses.

Identify what aspects you are comparing

It is vitally important to identify and reflect on what are the aspects that we value when we compare a child with others. In most cases, superficial aspects such as popularity and image are given more importance, rather than emphasizing the various qualities and values ​​that each little one possesses.

In this sense, avoid comparing some children with others and orient that attitude towards accepting the strengths and weaknesses of your child. This reinforces positive behaviors such as sympathy, perseverance and a sense of humor, which will be of great benefit in balancing your development for life as an adult.

Aspects to consider

Each child is unique and we must avoid comparing some children with others and focus on highlighting the positive in their personality. Parents who try to motivate their children using comparisons do not realize that it can be harmful.

We subconsciously impose our desire for how we want our children to be. This attitude does not produce any benefit, since we do not allow spaces for the little ones to demonstrate their innate abilities.

If the child adjusts to the comparisons, he can be marked for the rest of his life. This pattern will repeat you throughout adult life, destroying your self-esteem and making you unhappy.

The little one must accept and recognize that we all have weaknesses, but also that each one has great virtues and strengths. Parents must show their children that they love and accept them for who they are.

Additionally, parents must assume the responsibility of guiding and channeling all the children’s qualities. Likewise, it is recommended, if you do not have the necessary tools to manage this behavior, go to a specialist in child behavior.

In short, to raise children with high self-esteem, happy and confident, you should avoid comparing them with other children. This is a practice that adults do on a daily basis without being aware of the results. Given that each child is unique, the affectation is different and the consequences can be very negative.