The Best For The Children: Stay Together Or Separate?

Many couples stay together because they believe that this is the best thing for the children. However, are they really right or is it an excuse to perpetuate a dysfunctional relationship?

The well-being of the little ones depends on the degree of happiness, balance and health that exists in the union that their parents have. This is the first relationship that children see, it is the one they will learn from and the one that will generate many of the problems that will affect them in their adult lives.

Emotional injuries in childhood

A bad relationship between parents can leave wounds in childhood that significantly affect adulthood. Let’s take an example:

Let’s imagine that there are two parents who have problems in their union. There have been infidelities involved, mistreatment and they believe they love each other, but it is not like that.

However, when the excuse of love falls under its own weight, another arises: that of children. For children, one sacrifices so that they can have what everyone else has: a family.

However, what is believed to be the best for children becomes torture for them. That family is unstable, they have to witness constant anger and arguments, or mistreatment. They are witnessing a totally damaging relationship model that will affect the relationships they will have in their adult lives.

They will feel abandoned by their parents who are only focused on themselves. They will believe that love is something bad or that it causes suffering. What’s more, they may already experience low self-esteem in childhood.

Children can become the consolation of their parents, or that they speak badly of the other. Is it really the best thing for the children to stay together? Is this sacrifice worth it? Who is it really benefiting?

The best thing for children is that their parents separate

Sharply, without a doubt. If the parents have problems with each other and have considered separating, they need to do so.

How can you survive a relationship without love? A marked, damaged relationship, in which resentment may be present, has no future.

As much as we believe that the best thing for the children is to stay together, are we willing to be good actors so as not to make them live fights, arguments and other situations that we can live with our partner?

The truth is that no. Parents who stay together because they believe that it is the best for their children are not happy and this can pay even with them. Blaming them for everything, giving them an education in which negative reinforcement predominates, or making their children accomplices of their pain.

There is nothing negative about a couple breaking up. Children will always be happier if their parents are, if they are well, calm and maintain a healthy relationship with each other.

Happy family, despite everything

Perhaps what we think is best for children is actually a way to cover up a deeper need. That of showing others, society, that the family is still together when in reality everything collapses when crossing the threshold of the door.

We have an enormous need to keep up appearances and to comply with certain beliefs that surround us every day. “Love supports everything”, “children deserve a family”, “you can’t take anything”, “what are people going to think?” Beliefs that provoke toxic relationships whose members make their own children soak up that toxicity.

Maintaining a relationship because we believe that it is the best for the children is taking a great risk. What example are we giving them? Will we hold our sacrifice against them in the future?

It is better for your parents to be happy and apart than together and hating each other. That experience is going to be the model that will leave them wounded and that will influence the relationships that they themselves will have.